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| “The Realm of Mr. Spontaneous Creation Man*” |
| 12.15.03 (10:55 am) [edit] |
I suddenly stand on the beginning of creation, I don’t quite remember
creation having mercury rivers, but then again I don’t remember anything of
creation, I wasn’t there. Come to think of it I don’t remember anything at
all, but I can speak in Klingon, however. Hmmmm... rivers of mercury...
something tells me that this is something special... nuqDaq’oH puchpa’’eR 17;
Maybe I should follow it!
What an idea!
And so, I followed the streams of mercury (please note for the reader’s
sake this is NOT a metaphor)
So I followed the river, and I walked along the river, and I walked in the
river, and I drank from the river (tastes like burning!) After a dreadful5
five minutes of doing this in cycles, I finally came upon a very very very
very large city that could be seen from thousands of miles away.
Fortunately, I didn’t notice it until it was right on top of me, so I got
the full effect.
Now if you ever saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, not only will you be
disturbed for life, but you will be familiar with some strange little
creatures known as "Oompa Loompas." Imagine these with blue skin and hair
as well as silver squares on their foreheads. Now you have one of the funky
little things walking around the city with the humans. Or actually, instead
of humans. They didn't happen to notice me there.
"Hello! Can you direct me to the nearest bathroom? I really need to go;
I've been holding it since I was created."
The little blue guy look at me like I had a sign that said "Wha 'tchoo
talkin’ 'bout Willis?" on my chest. Then I realized I did. I walked away.
Well, I'd better get to the center of the city. If there's anything
important, it would be there.
Well... that looked about 50 miles away. I looked around for anything that
might get me there in less than a week (I was a slow walker ,) I saw...a
truck...a miniature car... and a giant battle mecha.
I made my choice and don't regret it!
"Hello, weary traveler. How may my convenient transportation and battle
modes service you?"
"Get me over to the center of this city!"
"Yes, sir! It should only take ... HEY! You don't own me."
"Aww.. c'mon! I've got to get over there. There's something important over
there," I whined.
"No. I don't like you."
"Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
Please. Please. Please. Please. Please...."
"OKAY OKAY! I'll take you to the city. Wanna blow some stuff up on the
way, though, I'm kinda bored. How about that fine education
establishment!"
“Ah… maybe latter right now I really want to get to the center of the city,
maybe there’s a bathroom there.”
“Fine have it your way but because you don’t wont to blow up any than right
now I’m afraid I'm not going to lent you bake in me again. Oh and if you see
the leader say hi to him for me, that leader is a great guy.”
I tried to think about the idea of this “leader” but ever time I did
all that came to mind was, “The leader he’s a fendi guy.” Okay? Lets try
again, “The leader he’s a fendi guy.” Oh well,
At the center of the city there was a very large and very pyramid shaped
building. As I came to the front of the building there some kind of freakish
looking short, bald, fat ogre like person. I resisted the urge to
mecha-stomp on him. He approached. I felt offended from just this.
“Hello. We have been expecting you.”
We? Expecting? What was up with this guy? “Umm… you have?” Intercom. I
powered down the mecha and jumped out. It REALY hurt. I made a note not to
jump from over ten stories again.
“You’ve been monitored since you were created. My name is Luke. My job is
to answer any questions you have, see that you get to know everything, and
umm… general rent-a-cop. First I’m going explain the Whistle Fadders, what
you call ‘Oompa Loompas,’ to you. There’s no real reason we call them
Whistle Fadders; we just do. You see the Whistle Fadders are genetically
altered humans who are superior to you in ever way but one, they have no
freewill. It actually hasn’t been a problem for us at all. But we don’t
just kill the few that grow free will, no we only do that to the one’s who
don’t think like we want them to. As a matter of fact did you notice all
those little silver things on their foreheads? We gave them those so that
if they had an idea that the leader could run things better, had a bad
thought about the leader, or just plain and simple act stupid we blow them
up. It’s fun! But I’ve been talking for a painfully long time. I’ve
noticed five uncomfortable shifts in you position. Maybe it’s that I’ve
only been saying 17 words a minute. In fact, me talking about talking
slow, and it being incredibly boring you, is still boring. Seeeeeeeeee…you
just shifted again. But anyways, come with me, you must meet the leader.
This was a promising enough sounding idea
Once I was in the palace, Luke led me down a long hallway to a room that
said in big gold letters on the door “The Leader.” They were shiny! Luke
pushed open the door to reveal a tall man in a dark black coat, with a fell
head of midnight blue hair (and how!), he’s head was facing the ground ,he
slowly lifted it as he said in a deep voice, “I am the leader ask me any
thing I, I mean you want to know, and after you may ask but one question.”
His voice boomed, unnecessarily.
“Sounds fair enough,” our hero replied.
“To start off, this is my world; I am god here. Everyone is under me and
under my leadership. I am all powerful. Have you noticed how this story
keeps switching between first person and third?
“Ummm…” I started.
“I’m doing that. Fendi, huh? Now I’ll let Luke explain to you our system
of improvement, and how.”
“Come with me,” the funky little fat guy said. I followed, walking
awkwardly, being crippled from severe toilet withdrawal.
Ho opened a door to my right, which led outside. There was a wall standing
about thirty feet wide that looked like it stretched into the heavens.
Man, that leader is sure a fendy guy!
Why did I just think that?
Trust me! That leader is a pretty fendi guy!
The wall had writing on it.
“This is the record of all of the civilians that had an idea or criticism of
the way the world was. Although they must die for thinking unsavory
thoughts, the world is changed in that way in which they wanted. Their name
and contribution is put up here as to give them credit.
I went up and read a few;
Bob
Gravity is now decreased to bearable standards.
Rob
People are no longer eaten regularly by a giant teal penguin.
Kob
The word ‘the” has been reduced to three letters from 19,867.
Yob
Purple is now officially a color.
“Hmmmm… seams like some important stuff.”
“Yes. There are a few who gain free will, but without any specific purpose,
those ones just die. In fact, there have been an unusual amount of these
since you have showed up. The one you approached actually seams to be
declaring himself king right behind you.”
As he stepped behind himself to see, all that was in front of him was a
group of Whistle Fadders looking horrified at his feat. Then he realized he
was standing on their king.
“You’re standing on my king!”
“Am I?”
“DIE!!!” A member of the crowd pulled a pitchfork from the ground, and fell
down dead. Then all the others did as well in the crowd did as well and I
realized I was standing in a pile of dead Whistle Fadder.
“This is a perfect example. Come now, back to the leader. You have your
question to ask.”
I didn’t even wait for Luke; I just ran in and shrieked, “WHERE’S THE
BATHROOM?”
“Well that’s a very good question were should I began, well you know how I’m
god hear right?”
He calmed down a little, “Yes I understand, but…”
“So there’s only one bathroom: mine, down the hall, three doors down, on the
left.”
He was in full-throttled, high-geared hysteria by the time he discovered the
door had an access pad.
“USER NAME??? WHY DO I NEAD A USER NAME?!?!?!?!”
After leader, Luke, and Mr. Spontaneous creation man didn’t work he ran back
into the leader’s room.
“I need to know your name!”
“Sorry, you get but one question.” Fortunately, at this time, he noticed
something he hadn’t before: a “Hello my name is tag” on the leaders coat.
Don’t say it…
“WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THA-*”
There is now a secondary toilet.
Luke dies a slow and painful death.
The leader’s name changes from Tony to “The Euphoric Angel Gitoni delQav.”
-By Luke Hutchinson, & Tony Leslie
A Creation of Gitoni Co. & Captain Funkies Whistle Fadder Inc.
In Association with Mia Hamm studios.
Tony Leslie
Period 7-8
Fiction Writing
MSCM® Vol. 2.1
“The Great Search for Tokyo”
I. Prelude:
The purpose and focal point of what you are about to subject your self to is for the reader to “Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out” The following is a thought experiment of my own devising, some of the images my induce any of the following symptoms, confusing, mind altering or expanding, and boredom, Reader discursion is advised.
II. Introduction:
“Oh, so your still here, interesting… Or is it rather that you just arrived? Non-linear time I guess can be fun; it takes a little getting use to though. That aside, I guess I should explain how you and I came to be here. To be truthful I’m not exactly sure. Actually I only remember a little of the later, only about enough to fill 2 –3 pages. Well I guess I’ll start with the beginning, or at least what I think is the begging. Maybe if I go over the line of events with you they’ll make more sense, the key concept being maybe.”
III. Creation:
At first there was a twist and turning that much left me felling as though I were a chocolate covered ant being eaten alive by a rather large entity, weather that entity were physical or abstract is to your concern. After what seemed to be an eternally long amount of time, but I believe to have been in fact a mire nanosecond, I arrived at the edge of the universe. How odd, I don’t remember the edge of the universe to have rivers of solid glacier formed Uranium, then again I don’t really know what the edge of the universe is like I’ve never been there. At this point I decided to follow these “Uranium Rivers” sense they most lead somewhere, and I was having treble making sense of anything else of sustains in my surroundings. This might not have been my first choice though had I known for how many miles this river had eroded itself along the nonexistent soil, or had I known that there was metro route near by.
After an excoriating five-minute walk, that must have taken me like a million miles, I arrived at a forest of ladders. At least at first I thought it was a forest until I noticed that about six hundred feet above me there was a sizable fleet a zeppelins, or rather a very large armada of them. There were wooden structures connecting them together and there were clustered in such a way that it resembled the Ewoke cities of Endour. Only instead of trees there were zeppelins with all sorts of latter’s connecting them to the plan that I believed my self to be standing on. I climbed one of the more awkward looking ones, just for the sheer thrill of it. Upon entering the zeppelin metropolis, I was greeted to my disappointment, not a fuzzy cute Ewoke (I rather do like Ewaks) but instead a creature that I can only describe as a cross between a deformed eagle and some kind of hideous hobbit Muppet, spawned from the nightmarish children’s programming of the early nineteen eighties. This lacking visual image is cruel tribute to the simple ugliness of the creature that stood before me. Hmm… I wonder why they call it “programming” . I shirked in horror when suddenly in a metallic voice the thing quaked out of its right nostril “You are presently committing 70-4-208, Unlawful importation of skunks”. At this time I found it hard to believe but as it would seem it was indeed possible for such a simple ugly thing to augment itself and become something even uglier then what I before thought even comprehendible. “It is unlawful for any person to import, possess, or cause to be imported into this state any type of live skunk, or to sell, barter, exchange or otherwise transfer any live skunk, except that the prohibitions of this section shall not apply to bona fide zoological parks and research institutions.” shrieked the thing. “Immediate incarceration is required of subject in question”. I really wished I hadn’t ignored what it was saying, it wasn’t until after the thing stung me with a neural disruption beam that I realized that he had in fact been referring to the sunk that had curiously perched itself upon my head.
IV. Integration:
“Welcome detainee number 10-00110-010-110 to ECCO, this is where you will be hold until incept date, and hearing for penalty of crime can be obtained” whispered a voice belonging to whom at this point I was unsure.
“Where I am I?” I asked rather impatiently.
“ECCO” repeated the voice.
“How did I get here?”
“There are two answers to that question, the first is easer, but will probable not fully satisfy you, the second is much more difficult, and you may very likely not comprehend it”
“I don’t really care anymore” I spat out, “just give me both explanations, and ill pick and choice for my self.”
“Very well, you were cited by unite 45-98-65 breaking the law recorded as 70-4-208, after which you were apprehended and Integrated into ECCO until further punishment for your crime can be determined by “The Party”. I believe though that you already know this and it is not exactly what you meant by “where am I”.
“No, not at all, what was the other answer, and who is The Party?”
“To answer that I might have to reiterate a brief history of our society.”
“It doesn’t seem as though I have anywhere to go, so you might as well”
V. History:
“A long time ago this place was inhabited by a people known as the Whistle Fadders, the origin of these people is beyond our records. There first Civilization was feed by the grate Madeleine River, and soon grow mighty and powerful. It seemed that under the guidance of their mighty leader that the Whistle Fadders would contain to thrive. Then came the visitor, not much is known after this point, other then the great Whistle Fadder Empire collapsed, and the survivors created new claims far and wide along the Madeleine River. One of these formed into the Zeppelin Nation. The people of this nation were fearful of their neighboring nations, and through propaganda the party was able to use this to take political control. They were ruthless in this take over often “removing” all those who opposed them. The party’s first agenda after gaining full control was to gain military supremacy over all the other nations that had formed after the great collapse. To do this they turned to technology, and discovered many wonders of the universe, including me, eventual though the party perfected there greatest secret, the weapon. The party at this time was lead by a flame as dumb as a shrub. He used the weapon with out understanding its power; it was the end of Whistle Fadders kind besides those living in the now Zeppelin Metropolis. The party no longer having an external agenda turned on its own people, creating law after law. A special robotic race using a sleek hybrid of genetic and robotic technology was used to enforce these laws. After a time almost everyone one was arrested, for one ridicules reason or another. This lead to overcrowding in the prison system, many solutions to this problem were devised, and many overlapping procedures were created. Such as were to place a detainee well awaiting the very long process to determine punishment. Eventually it was agreed that to save space and money convicts brains would be integrated into the ECCO, and the rest of their body would be broken down and converted back into energy. This is what has happened to you.”
“So what happened to all the Whistle Fadders?”
“Eventually ever Whistle Fadder ended up here or somewhere worse. The brainless units, in probable there only moment of sentient thought, realized their position of power and shut down the power grid that was supporting the remaining Whistle Fadders brains. Unfortunately they returned to the mindless selves once more, after completing their device task. You are the first sentient creature to come to the city in a very long time.”
VI. Punishment:
“We the party do sentence, he who has been convicted by us, the Party, of knowingly engaging in the punishable crime recorded as 70-4-208, Unlawful importation of skunks, is here by sentenced to an eternity in the void of the thoughts of ECCO.”
IIV. Conclusion:
“Hmm… I guess you already new most of that, and to be truthful I’m no more sure now then I was 2 –3 pages ago what is going on. I guess we got all eternity to figure it out though.”
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